if i write a book review and a research essay this week, i get to go see my beloved BC- home by the ocean.
i'm confused and alienated most of the time- nothing much seems to be getting through. the confusion is really the root problem, living life through a fuzz of thoughts and so little real direction, having to think really hard for a clear thought like a ray of light to break through the clouds and light up the ground so i can see where i'm going.
people aren't easy to accept either, i don't know where the cool ones hide or what to do to get out there, how to behave or what to say when the situation appears, like one big awkward. again, the fuzz of thoughts (or sometimes a lack of any plan or logic in my direction) makes it hard to know what to say or how to behave.
is there a right way? there is, because only the right state of being can find the right situation to pursure- like meeting the neat people at the party and having a good time rather than being stuck to weirdos or using bad judgement on who you pick to let in.
victoria is my favourite place on the planet because somehow, i don't ever feel unsure of my feet or my person when i'm there- somewhere, damn it, that i belong and am happy.

ray of light? inspiration? i just need a vacation.